The Daughter-In-Law Rules applies to a lot of life.
Saturday, October 31st, 2009
by Sally Shields
Right from the very start of my marriage, my mother-in-law and I seemed to get along really well. We never met until over a year and one child into the marriage, because my husband's parents were unable to attend the wedding. My relationship with my own mother became severely damaged during that first year of marriage and so it was during that time that my relationship with my mother-in-law flourished. However, there came a time when those relationships were changed - about five years ago now. My relationship and friendship with my own mother is stronger now than it has ever been and my relationship with my mother-in-law is strained, or at best merely civil.
Thanks to the author, Sally Shields, I was able to review The Daughter-in-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! I was excited to know that "this book helps raise money for The National Breast Cancer Foundation whose mission is to save lives by increasing awareness of breast cancer through education and by providing mammograms for those in need." (quote from correspondence with the author)
So having a rocky relationship with my mother-in-law I was eager to read this book and get the hings and tips this rule book would hopefully provide. Nine or so pages in I said to my hubby, "I love this book." Then the further I got in the more I was told to lie to my mother-in-law. I was shocked and disgusted; I have a huge issue with lying. I quit reading for a time but did eventually come back to the book and finished reading the rules. As it turns out, the recommendations to lie were fairly well balanced with recommendations of truth and kindness.
I do not agree with lying - including half truths; I am more of a - if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all - type of person. I will tend to let things slide off my back and deal with the issue on my end. I guess I'm not big on confrontation. If my mother-in-law and I have a disagreement, I choose not to call until I'm okay. If we disagree on something, we just avoid the topic. I don't tell her what she wants to hear. I tell her my decision on an issue and leave it alone.
So what did I decide about those rules that suggested lying? I came up with my own rules, as the author suggests. (She even includes a worksheet for making your own rules.) I decided to set boundaries instead of appeasing.
Overall, I found that the rules not only apply to my relationship with my mother-in-law but also with my interactions with people everywhere - my husband, my own mother, my friends and acquaintances, my children. I understand that our relationships with our mothers-in-law are special relationships and do require some extra attention and effort, so this book is a good, fun way to work on that friendship; just modify each rule to suite your unique situation and moral standard.
You can purchase this book at Amazon.
A copy of this book was given to me for my opinions.
